The 30s Shift

Although our 20s are often framed asthemajor decade of transition, I’ve found myself increasingly fascinated by our 30s and how easily this decade has been historically overlooked and continues to be undervalued. Family life, romantic relationships, finances, friendships, our relationships with our bodies, and even our sense of identity can shift dramatically in our 30s. While we mayknowthis to be true on an intellectual level, what fascinates me most is how strongly we expect everything to stay the same in the midst of all this change.

‍

It can feel genuinely shocking to realize that things are changing, even when those changes are unfolding right in front of us. Many of my patients describe a vague sense that something feels “off” during this decade, without fully understanding why. Often, that discomfort stems from a resistance to the changes happening around us. As we change, our relationships naturally change as well, especially our friendships.

‍

For many people, shifts in friendship are among the most surprising changes of the 30s. We expect friendships to evolve in our 20s as we graduate, move cities, explore new careers, or meet partners. But when friendships begin to feel different in our 30s, it can feel like uncharted territory, something we fight against rather than anticipate. It’s in this struggle that friends often find themselves at odds. When we expect something to feel the way it always has, disappointment can quietly take hold, and in the heat of the moment, that disappointment can feel confusing and hard to name.

‍

Our 30s offer us an opportunity for acceptance in a way our 20s often cannot; acceptance of who we are becoming, and the understanding that our relationships will naturally evolve alongside us. Change does not have to be a “bad” word. When we allow it, change can bring new depth, clarity, and even strength to our relationships.