When Routine Falls Apart

This month’s newsletter is arriving later than usual, which, in many ways, feels symbolic of how life has been lately.

Both personally and professionally, I’ve been sitting with the feeling of having your world unexpectedly shifted. I’m not referring to the most traumatic experiences, but rather those moments when your comfort and routine are suddenly pulled away before you have time to catch your breath.

These are often the moments that bring people into therapy, times that feel unstable, uncertain, and unfamiliar. Times when it’s hard to make sense of what’s happening now, or to feel confident about what comes next. My role is to help hold my clients through these periods, while also gently challenging them to stay engaged with the discomfort. It’s work I know not just professionally, but personally as well.

I often hear clients talk about how hard it is to find light when everything feels dark. Not in an extreme sense, but in the quieter, more subtle way that life can feel heavy when routine is disrupted and normalcy disappears. There’s something deeply unsettling about losing the structures that once grounded us.

In these moments, we talk a lot about uncertainty and the reality that life holds more mystery than control. We explore the importance of flexibility, especially when rigidity feels like the only thing keeping us afloat.

And yet, it’s also important to acknowledge this truth: feeling out of control is deeply destabilizing, and rigidity can serve a purpose. It can feel like safety.

I often see clients become frustrated with themselves for feeling stuck and for relying on what feels safe, even when it seems to be holding them back. And while it’s true that safety can sometimes limit growth, it’s also essential. Safety is not the enemy of change; it’s often what makes change possible.

As I’ve come to understand more deeply, it’s okay to crave safety. It’s okay to need something to hold onto when everything else feels uncertain.

Sometimes, before we can move forward, we simply need to feel steady again.