The Supposed to Question

As we approach the new year, I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of what was supposed to happen, both in my personal life and in my work as a therapist. I watch my clients navigate lives they never expected to be living, and I’m continually struck by their resilience. I feel this in my own life as well.

‍

When we’re young, we imagine a particular storyline: At x age I’ll meet the love of my life. At x age I’ll buy a home in x state. These narratives form from our own desires, but also from the expectations of the people and environments around us. Because of that, clearing space to see what we actually want, and to imagine a life that looks different, can feel incredibly difficult.

‍

Recently, I’ve been confronted with this question myself. I often ask my clients, “What can you do differently?” and holding myself to the same standard has been challenging and humbling. But I also know, from both training and experience, that this is where real change happens: in doing the thing that is uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or frightening.So I did just that. I began making choices I never imagined for myself—choices that didn’t fit the script of what I thought I wassupposedto do. Doing something different isn’t always glamorous. Those decisions, and the unexpected directions life takes us, often come with grief, heartbreak, and the painful process of letting go.

‍

But we also get to decide what we make of the story we’ve been given and the story we choose to write next. There is something powerful about surrender—about leaning into the mystery of life when it doesn’t match the original plan. Sometimes, releasing the “supposed to” becomes the very thing that opens us to a life we couldn’t have imagined, but one that is deeply our own.

‍

In therapy, we often talk about how insight opens the door, but action creates the shift. As you enter this new season, consider where your own “supposed to” may be limiting what’s possible. Small, intentional changes, especially the uncomfortable ones, can reshape your trajectory in meaningful ways.