.png)
Clinical Review: All medical and clinical information in this article has been reviewed for accuracy by Jordanne Sculler, LMHC.
Couples therapy is a safe space to express difficult emotions, but the way you communicate during a session can either propel your progress forward or stall it completely. To get the most out of your investment in therapy, it is helpful to avoid certain counterproductive phrases.
Using words like "always" or "never" (e.g., "You never listen to me" or "You always prioritize work") immediately puts your partner on the defensive. These absolutes are rarely factually accurate and distract from the actual issue at hand.
Avoid telling the therapist what your partner is thinking or feeling. Phrases like "He just thinks that..." or "She only did that because..." invalidate your partner's experience. Instead, focus on using "I" statements to express your own feelings.
Therapy requires a willingness to collaborate. Presenting ultimatums or threatening divorce during a session shuts down the collaborative process and creates an environment of fear rather than growth.
During sessions, I gently and actively intervene when couples begin to slip into familiar negative communication patterns, helping slow the interaction down, name what is happening in the moment, and guide each partner back into a more grounded and constructive way of relating.